Wednesday 1st May 2012
I am crocheting a basket at the moment. It’s cotton and multicoloured. I’m making it for a friend who has lots of assorted stuff and nothing to put their stuff into. It’s important to have places to put things, so that they know where they live and you can find then when you need them.
I like interesting containers for things. I like recycling things for other purposes: my tin opener cuts the tops off tins and leaves a smooth topped open can, no sharp edges. I bought it simply so I can keep the tins and use them for other things when they’re empty. Love that feeling of making something from the things that we throw away.
As I write this, I’m planning all the things I need to put in my basket to take with me tomorrow. It’s exciting and nerve-racking in equal measure: I’m going to school to be a proper grown up again. Dipping my teacher-toes into the water, to see how I fare. I want it to go well of course, so I’ve been preparing most of today. The secret to the success of most ventures is preparation, I believe, and a good old splash of What The Hell. So I’m filling my basket with the necessaries: large box of assorted sequins, glitter glue in green, turquoise and pink, paper plates, elastic, lolly sticks, glitter powder, tissue paper, ribbon, crepe paper, glue sticks, double sided sticky pads. My adage for going back into this particular workplace is basically, if it glitters, good times!
Now tomorrow’s mission (which I have chosen to accept) is to lead a mask-making workshop for around 50 four and five year olds. It’s not all day, just the morning. I’m not I’m charge of a whole class at any point, I’ll just be giving a whole group input for 5 minutes to start, then work with small groups throughout the morning. I’m telling you all this as it is my way of keeping a calm head on myself.
I used to do this every day, plus I’d have planned numeracy work, phonics, literacy, all the associated areas of learning. I used to do this and study every day, look after my kids, cook, tidy up, do the laundry and help with homework. I can’t remember how I did it. I’m not sure it was actually me, when I think about it, knowing how I struggle these days with one thing a day, like, er, brushing my hair or loading the dishwasher.
A tiny voice is laughing at me in my head. Laughing because tomorrow’s first steps back to work and my proper life again are so teeny weeny. It’s laughing at my nerves and my excitement. It’s a bit mean, this voice, and I’m ignoring it. I don’t even think its my voice actually. It doesn’t belong. I’m ignoring it. Tomorrow is a great big tiny step forward.
It doesn’t matter how big the step is, either, as it’s a forward step. I might manage very well tomorrow. I might not. Even if I don’t cope, or I’m exhausted afterwards, it’s still a step forward that I’m trying a work morning.
But in order to make my session the best it can be, I’m packing all my goodies into a basket. I don’t think it’s possible to be too glittery or sparkly when it comes to working with the under fives, so I shall be positively iridescent after 3 hours I expect. Of course the planning is happening in my head too: getting my resources in order there too. I’m not sure how much I’ve got in there and I expect I’ll find that out when I’m there with all my little friends. It’s ok if I’m not brilliant. I don’t have to amaze, although of course I want to. Good enough will be good enough.
Meanwhile I’m packing my basket with delicious crafty bits and bobs to bolster my self-confidence as truly, honestly - in my world there’s no such thing as too many sequins.